It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY
Has 365' days.
Typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing
Properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means
15 days. Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days.Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!
Balance = 0
"How can a student pass ??"
Friday, February 29, 2008
School Jokes
Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
Teacher :Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today?
Shilpa:Madam, I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teachear:Ramya, what about you?
Ramya:Madam, ,I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under
my feet.
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him
then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?.. ....
japan
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu, get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God,
are you still in there?'
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
Teacher :Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today?
Shilpa:Madam, I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teachear:Ramya, what about you?
Ramya:Madam, ,I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under
my feet.
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him
then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?.. ....
japan
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu, get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God,
are you still in there?'
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.
Indian hell
A man dies and goes to hell.
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen
Thursday, February 28, 2008
ABOUT YOUR CELL
Would like to know your mobile is original or not?!!
Type *#06#
After you enter the code you will see a new code contain 15 digits:
43 4 5 6 6 1 0 6 7 8 9 4 3 5
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 02 or 20 that mean it was Assembly on
Emirates which is very Bad quality :(
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 08 or 80 that mean it¢s manufactured
in Germany which is not bad
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 01 or 10 that mean it¢s manufactured in
Finland which is Good
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 00 that mean it was manufactured in
original factory which is the best Mobile Quality ...
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 13 that mean it was Assembly on
Azerbaijan which is very Bad quality and very dangerous for health!!!
Type *#06#
After you enter the code you will see a new code contain 15 digits:
43 4 5 6 6 1 0 6 7 8 9 4 3 5
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 02 or 20 that mean it was Assembly on
Emirates which is very Bad quality :(
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 08 or 80 that mean it¢s manufactured
in Germany which is not bad
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 01 or 10 that mean it¢s manufactured in
Finland which is Good
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 00 that mean it was manufactured in
original factory which is the best Mobile Quality ...
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 13 that mean it was Assembly on
Azerbaijan which is very Bad quality and very dangerous for health!!!
How to catch a Lion
Newton's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
Mani Rathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George Bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u.
U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tired and surrenders.
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
Mani Rathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George Bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u.
U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tired and surrenders.
BANNED DRUGS........Must see
Please Read Very Carefully - INFORM ALL YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY MEMBERS
India has become a dumping ground for banned drugs; also the business for
production of banned drugs is booming. Plz make sure that u buy drugs only
if prescribed by a doctor(Also, ask which company manufactures it, this
would help to ensure that u get what is prescribed at the Drug Store) and
that also from a reputed drug store. Not many people know about these
banned drugs and consume them causing a lot of damage to themselves. We
forward Jokes and other junk all the time. This is far more important.
Please Make sure u forward it everyone u know.
DANGEROUS DRUGS HAVE BEEN GLOBALLY DISCARDED BUT ARE AVAILABLE IN INDIA ..
The most common ones are action 500 & Nimulid.
PHENYLPROPANOLAMINE:
cold and cough. Reason for ban : stroke.
Brand name : Vicks Action-500
________________________________________________________________________
ANALGIN:
This is a pain-killer. Reason for ban: Bone marrow depression.
Brand name: Novalgin
___________________________________________________________
CISAPRIDE:
Acidity, constipation. Reason for ban : irregular heartbeat
Brand name : Ciza, Syspride
____________________________________________________________
DROPERIDOL:
Anti-depressant. Reason for ban : Irregular heartbeat.
Brand name : Droperol
______________________________________________________________
FURAZOLIDONE:
Antidiarrhoeal. Reason for ban : Cancer.
Brand name : Furoxone, Lomofen
_____________________________________________________________
NIMESULIDE:
Painkiller, fever. Reason for ban : Liver failure.
Brand name : Nise, Nimulid
________________________________________________________________________
NITROFURAZONE:
Antibacterial cream. Reason for ban : Cancer.
Brand name : Furacin
________________________________________________________________________
PHENOLPHTHALEIN:
Laxative. Reason for ban : Cancer.
Brand name : Agarol
______________________________ __________________________________________
OXYPHENBUTAZONE:
Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug. Reason for ban : Bone marrow
depression.
Brand name : Sioril
_______________________________________________________________________
PIPERAZINE:
Anti-worms. Reason for ban : Nerve damage.
Brand name : Piperazine
________________________________________________________________________
QUINIODOCHLOR:
Anti-diarrhoeal. Reason for ban : Damage to sight.
Brand name: Enteroquinol
PLZ SPREAD THE INFO....IF U CAN......FOR BETTER FUTURE
India has become a dumping ground for banned drugs; also the business for
production of banned drugs is booming. Plz make sure that u buy drugs only
if prescribed by a doctor(Also, ask which company manufactures it, this
would help to ensure that u get what is prescribed at the Drug Store) and
that also from a reputed drug store. Not many people know about these
banned drugs and consume them causing a lot of damage to themselves. We
forward Jokes and other junk all the time. This is far more important.
Please Make sure u forward it everyone u know.
DANGEROUS DRUGS HAVE BEEN GLOBALLY DISCARDED BUT ARE AVAILABLE IN INDIA ..
The most common ones are action 500 & Nimulid.
PHENYLPROPANOLAMINE:
cold and cough. Reason for ban : stroke.
Brand name : Vicks Action-500
________________________________________________________________________
ANALGIN:
This is a pain-killer. Reason for ban: Bone marrow depression.
Brand name: Novalgin
___________________________________________________________
CISAPRIDE:
Acidity, constipation. Reason for ban : irregular heartbeat
Brand name : Ciza, Syspride
____________________________________________________________
DROPERIDOL:
Anti-depressant. Reason for ban : Irregular heartbeat.
Brand name : Droperol
______________________________________________________________
FURAZOLIDONE:
Antidiarrhoeal. Reason for ban : Cancer.
Brand name : Furoxone, Lomofen
_____________________________________________________________
NIMESULIDE:
Painkiller, fever. Reason for ban : Liver failure.
Brand name : Nise, Nimulid
________________________________________________________________________
NITROFURAZONE:
Antibacterial cream. Reason for ban : Cancer.
Brand name : Furacin
________________________________________________________________________
PHENOLPHTHALEIN:
Laxative. Reason for ban : Cancer.
Brand name : Agarol
______________________________ __________________________________________
OXYPHENBUTAZONE:
Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug. Reason for ban : Bone marrow
depression.
Brand name : Sioril
_______________________________________________________________________
PIPERAZINE:
Anti-worms. Reason for ban : Nerve damage.
Brand name : Piperazine
________________________________________________________________________
QUINIODOCHLOR:
Anti-diarrhoeal. Reason for ban : Damage to sight.
Brand name: Enteroquinol
PLZ SPREAD THE INFO....IF U CAN......FOR BETTER FUTURE
*Don\'t ignore*
Be very careful when u get caught with dust...as following pictures shows the effects of bad dust to a person. While he was talking with his friends on the street he felt an eye irritation, thinking that it was just regular dust, he started to rub his eye, in an effort to remove the dust.... then his eyes got really red, and he went and bought some eye drops from a pharmacy.... few days passed and his eyes were still red and seems a little swollen.
Again he dismissed it as the constant rubbing and that it will go away. The days go by the swelling of his eye got worse, redder and bigger....till he decided to go and see a doctor for a check up.
The doctor immediately wanted an operation, being afraid of a tumor growth or cyst. At the operation, what was thought to be a growth or cyst, actually turned out to be a live worm..... what was thought initially to be just mere dust actually was an insect's egg.
If u do get caught dust, and the pain persists, pls. go, see a doctor immediately. .......
Please check the attached photo
Kindly share this with all those who you CARE......
Again he dismissed it as the constant rubbing and that it will go away. The days go by the swelling of his eye got worse, redder and bigger....till he decided to go and see a doctor for a check up.
The doctor immediately wanted an operation, being afraid of a tumor growth or cyst. At the operation, what was thought to be a growth or cyst, actually turned out to be a live worm..... what was thought initially to be just mere dust actually was an insect's egg.
If u do get caught dust, and the pain persists, pls. go, see a doctor immediately. .......
Please check the attached photo
Kindly share this with all those who you CARE......
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Intelligent boy
Teacher asked her student,"Boy. what is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My Sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms radhika had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office.While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principalwhat the situation was.
The principal told Ms Radhika he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms. Radhika and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade. "
Ms. Radhika says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agree.
Ms.radhika asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have Only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms.radhika : "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms.radhika : What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms.radhika : What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubble-gum
Ms.radhika : What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms.radhika: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms.radhika : You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms.radhika : A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms.radhika: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip.When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms.radhika : I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms.radhika: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that mean s lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms.radhika: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms.radhika : What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms.radhika : What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!!!!
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My Sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms radhika had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office.While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principalwhat the situation was.
The principal told Ms Radhika he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms. Radhika and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade. "
Ms. Radhika says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agree.
Ms.radhika asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have Only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms.radhika : "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms.radhika : What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms.radhika : What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubble-gum
Ms.radhika : What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms.radhika: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms.radhika : You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms.radhika : A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms.radhika: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip.When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms.radhika : I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms.radhika: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that mean s lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms.radhika: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms.radhika : What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms.radhika : What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!!!!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Santa Banta
SANTA-Oye tu kya kar raha hai?
BANTA-Is baby ki aawaz record kar raha hun!!!!!
SANTA-Kyun?
BANTA-Wo jab bada ho jaega, use uska matlab puchunga!! ;->
Santa singh: Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta singh: Yes, I have
Santa singh: Well, my father dug it.
Banta singh: That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?
Santa singh: Yes, I have.
Banta singh: Well, my father killed it. . . ;->
What is common between Krishna,Ram,Gandhi,Buddha & Jesus?
Sardar:-replied ....All were born on Government holidays......
Newspaper mein news lugi k "50% of Sardars are donkeys."
The Sardars protested.
Next day news lagi k"50% of Sardars r NOT donkeys."
The Sardars celebrated.
Santa and Banta in a football stadium..
Santa : Paaji, yeh log ball se kya kar rahe hain?
Banta : goal kar rahe hain!!!
Santa :"lekin paaji ball toh pehle se gol hain , aur kitni gol
Karenge
Santa Suffering From Constipation, Sitting On ToiLet Seat:
Oooonh, Oooooooooonh, Ooooh.. Nee Aja Kambakhat Mein
Tenu Kha Te nai Jawanga
Once The CID asked a sardar why the criminals leave their fingerprints after crime..?
the sardar said: The criminals are uneducated. If they were Educated, they would leave their signatures . . . ;->
BANTA-Is baby ki aawaz record kar raha hun!!!!!
SANTA-Kyun?
BANTA-Wo jab bada ho jaega, use uska matlab puchunga!! ;->
Santa singh: Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta singh: Yes, I have
Santa singh: Well, my father dug it.
Banta singh: That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?
Santa singh: Yes, I have.
Banta singh: Well, my father killed it. . . ;->
What is common between Krishna,Ram,Gandhi,Buddha & Jesus?
Sardar:-replied ....All were born on Government holidays......
Newspaper mein news lugi k "50% of Sardars are donkeys."
The Sardars protested.
Next day news lagi k"50% of Sardars r NOT donkeys."
The Sardars celebrated.
Santa and Banta in a football stadium..
Santa : Paaji, yeh log ball se kya kar rahe hain?
Banta : goal kar rahe hain!!!
Santa :"lekin paaji ball toh pehle se gol hain , aur kitni gol
Karenge
Santa Suffering From Constipation, Sitting On ToiLet Seat:
Oooonh, Oooooooooonh, Ooooh.. Nee Aja Kambakhat Mein
Tenu Kha Te nai Jawanga
Once The CID asked a sardar why the criminals leave their fingerprints after crime..?
the sardar said: The criminals are uneducated. If they were Educated, they would leave their signatures . . . ;->
Time to go to school
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
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MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of
the school
MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
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MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of
the school
Sardarji jokes
A sardar was walking on the road. Suddenly he bent down to pick something, got up & screamed "Saale,Kamine log sandaas bhi aise karte hain jaise samosa paraa ho.....!!!"
Wedding nite:
Dulhan Sardar se,
aaj mujay itna khus kro
k ma sari zindgi yad
rakhon....
SArdar sari raat usay
gud gudi Krta raha.!!!
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked :
How will you divide, you have 3 children?
Sardar replied :
Ok! We will apply next year.
1 sardar exam dene
gaya to sath may
"PLUMBER"Ko le Kar gya!
Kiun?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Beacuse
.
.
.
.
.
sardar ko information
mili thi k paper leak ho
gya hai.
A sardar asked his
frend,
"kya tumhare
underwear mein
suraakh hain?"
Frend replied:"No"
Sardar said,
"to phir taangein kahan
se daalta hai saalay..;->
SARDAR ne pressure cooker khareeda dosre hi din wapis kardia.
Shopkeeper:kun wapis kha?
Sardar:ghar mein jawan betiyan hain aur ye sala
seetiyan bajata hai.->
Wedding nite:
Dulhan Sardar se,
aaj mujay itna khus kro
k ma sari zindgi yad
rakhon....
SArdar sari raat usay
gud gudi Krta raha.!!!
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked :
How will you divide, you have 3 children?
Sardar replied :
Ok! We will apply next year.
1 sardar exam dene
gaya to sath may
"PLUMBER"Ko le Kar gya!
Kiun?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Beacuse
.
.
.
.
.
sardar ko information
mili thi k paper leak ho
gya hai.
A sardar asked his
frend,
"kya tumhare
underwear mein
suraakh hain?"
Frend replied:"No"
Sardar said,
"to phir taangein kahan
se daalta hai saalay..;->
SARDAR ne pressure cooker khareeda dosre hi din wapis kardia.
Shopkeeper:kun wapis kha?
Sardar:ghar mein jawan betiyan hain aur ye sala
seetiyan bajata hai.->
Chess
Banta was amazed to find Santa playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" Banta exclaimed. "That"s the smartest dog I"ve ever seen." "Nah, he"s not so smart," Santa replied. "I"ve beaten him three games out of five"
Do matlab
Master ji : Bachcho , duniya mein har baat ke do matlab nikalte hain .
Ladki: Masterji , nikal ke dikhaiye ...
Master ji : Baith ja beti , teri iss baat ke bhi do matlab nikalte hain .
Ladki: Masterji , nikal ke dikhaiye ...
Master ji : Baith ja beti , teri iss baat ke bhi do matlab nikalte hain .
Monday, February 25, 2008
Finger Prints
It is already an accepted fact that every single person in the world has a different set of fingerprints. The Chinese have devised a way to read personality & destiny traits by studying the waves and the circles that appear at the tips of everyone's fingers – indeed so convinced are they that in the old days the fingers of prospective daughters-in- law were carefully scrutinized by prominent families to ensure they did not unwittingly welcome women who had fingers that showed alternate circles and waves on their fingers, as it was commonly believed that such women would bring trouble into the family, being particularly difficult to control and usually very aggressive.
In this issue of FSW we bring you some indications of destiny & personality traits based on the circles and waves on the five fingers of each hand. Guys should examine their left hands while women should look at their right hands.
Here are the two different patterns of circles and waves seen on every finger. To make a reading, look at your thumb print first, then your index finger, your middle finger, your ring finger and then your little finger in that order. This is the sequence that offers clues to your destiny & fortunes of your life.
For ease of reference we shall refer to circles as Os and to waves as Ws.
Fingers: OOOOO (all whorls)
Means: This person is very confident, has a strong character and a hot temper. He/she is an independent person. The luck of this person changes dramatically in life from one period to the next. The undoing of this person will be his/her hot temper so it is vital that this person must learn to be patient and calm.
Shape: WWWWW (all waves)
Means: This person is a straightforward honest person who goes with the flow. The fingers indicate someone very sensitive, who is especially suited to design and creative work. People with these fingerprint patterns tend to be shy and uncomfortable in social situations, so are not suited to work in PR, politics or any kind of work requiring them to meet people.
Shape: OWWWO
Means: If you can choose a prestigious working career, you will be very successful. However, you should avoid the tendency to get big-headed and you must never take your career for granted. You should also watch your back, as you tend to attract jealousy into your life and could get betrayed. Always look for long-term benefits.
Shape: OWWOW
Means: You will need to work harder during the early days of your career. When you reach middle and older age, you will get recognition and wealth luck. So your life gets better the older you get.
Shape: OWOWW
Means: It is vital that you resist the tendency to be narrow-minded in your attitudes and in the way you think and work. Try to be humble and learn as much as possible. This is how you will get influential help that brings you to the peak of your business and career life.
Shape: WOOOO
Means: You are a very clear-minded person. As long as you work hard, you are guaranteed to be
successful. Even though you tend to be in a hurry, there will be those who help you along. You are also a person with a kind heart.
Shape: OOOOW
Means: Because you are kind and have an in-built polite attitude, you will easily get help from older persons and friends. You will enjoy great success in your working life and your only weakness is you don't trust people too easily. This can make you too conservative.
Shape: OOOWW
Means: You have a tendency to be bad tempered, and rather quick to judge. This is a shallow attitude and could easily get you onto the wrong path. If you can correct this tendency of yours, you will have great success. The potential is in you, so try to be calm in your approach.
Shape: OWWWW
Means: You have good character but can only become really successful in older age. Be prepared to have to work really hard during your younger and middle age periods, but you will become a successful person in older years.
Shape: WOWWW
Means: You are very good in the social skills. No matter what industry you are in, you like to take risk and you will always face uncertainty. Be careful as the later years of your life could bring yet more challenges. Take less risk as you get older.
Shape: WWOWW
Means: You are a person who has high vision and heavy responsibility. Be careful. Your visions could get you into serious difficulty. Better to stay more grounded, then your life will have greater success.
Shape: WWWOW
Means: You are very intelligent and will enjoy a lot of scholastic honors. You will have a smooth life and benefit from wealth luck. If you can work hard, you will become a great and successful person.
Shape: WWWWO
Means: You will inherit a business or property from your parents or from an older person. Even though you are a capable person and can be successful in your own business, your tendency towards impatience could get you into a lot of difficulty.
Shape: OOWWW
Means: You have a tendency to be proud and snobbish, although deep inside you are a kind-hearted person. Your social skills however need improving. Your relatives tend to take advantage of you.
Shape: WOWWO
Means: You are a deep thinking person. At a young age, you are already thinking of your future. You will enjoy a smooth and peaceful life; you will be very happy in your old age.
Shape: WOWOO
Means: You are a very sociable person and you enjoy the carefree kind of life going out, partying and clubbing. When you reach middle and older age, you will rely on people to support you. Be warned, if you do not prepare yourself, you might have a hard time during your older years.
Shape: WOWOW
Means: You are not an easy person to control or to convince, as you are something of a rebel. If you can stay focused on what you want from life, you will be successful. The problem is that you can be fickle and vague in what you really want from life.
Shape: WWOWO
Means: Your whole life is full of ups and downs, successes and failures. However, if you can
move steadily step-by-step, you can enjoy a peaceful life as you grow into maturity.
Shape: WWWOO
Means: You are very kindhearted person and there will be good people in your life, as you will attract these kinds of people towards you. Work hard and you will easily reap your just rewards. You will definitely become successful.
Shape: OWWOO
Means: You will get recognition and become famous. Even though your life appears unstable during your earlier years of working life and you need to work hard in your thirties, when you reach maturity, your life gets better and better.
Shape: WWOOW
Means: You are a very capable person, but you tend to lack good judgment. You also tend to start something and then lose interest. Stay focused if you want to succeed.
Shape: OWOOW
Means: You are a noble person with a good character. You tend to be very helpful towards colleagues and friends so you are a popular person. Because you can think in-depth and have sensitivity towards others, you will enjoy success in the creative fields.
Shape: OWOWO
Means: You are blessed with a fast and formidable intellect. You work very quickly and with great effectiveness. However, your character is very aggressive and people tend to be intimidated by you. If you can correct this trait, you can rise to great heights.
Shape: WWOOO
Means: You are a very straightforward person. But your thinking tends to be rather naïve and shallow. Even though your suggestions are good, if you don't think through what you say, you should not be surprised if people tend to ignore your views. Your speech tends to lack power.
Shape: OOWOW
Means: You are a high-minded person, able to see and grab opportunities. You are best suited to work in the financial and investment fields. Your luck gets better as you grow older.
Shape: OOWWO
Means: You are a very honest and reputable person. You have little urge to get rich or pursue material wealth. But watch it, if you don't know how to take care of yourself, you can easily get conned and taken advantage of by people.
Shape: OOOWO
Means: Your social skills are good, so you attract guidance and help from influential people. Many people help you in your rise to prominence, and your luck turns fabulous in later years.
Shape: OOWOO
Means: You are a very brave and hardworking person. A lot of people trust you when you are young. However, unless you work at preserving your reputation, you could make enemies on your rise up and find that life becomes harder as you get older.
Shape: OWOOO
Means: You are a kindhearted character and easily get along with others. You are not good at doing business, but you are good as a teacher or even as a spiritual master. You can enjoy success in the academic world.
Shape: WOOWW
Means: You are reputable and have a peaceful character. So you are definitely someone who can become successful and recognized. However, because of your tendency towards pride, you could end up offending the wrong people.
Shape: WOOWO
Means: You are a simple but logical person. If you can focus on the fundamentals of life and adopt a step-by-step approach in your climb up the success ladder and not be too impatient, you will benefit from wealth luck and be honored by people.
Shape: WOOOW
Means: You are a straight talking person who is forthright in your approach. You are strong in character, playful but you also easily offend people. But you are also lucky because when you reach middle age, you will rise to a prominent position and your luck really changes for the better
12 World's deadliest poisons
Black Widow Spider
The Black Widow is easily identifiable by the distinctive red markings on its stomach. It is a large widow spider found throughout the world and commonly associated with urban habitats or agricultural areas. The Black Widow's venom is 15 times more potent than a rattlesnakes.
Brazilian Wandering Spider
This spider kills around five people a year. Symptoms include immediate pain, heavy perspiration and drooling. Often hides in bunches of bananas.
Arsenic
Anyone swallowing large amounts of arsenic will usually die within a few hours following seizures and shock. If death does not occur at this earlier stage your kidneys will pack in and you will be dead within days.
Capsaicin
This is the chemical that makes chillis hot, but in its purest form it is strong enough to kill you if you eat it. Will cause burns and blistering in contact with human skin.
Inland Taipan Snake
This lethal Aussie crawler is 50 times more deadly than the Indian cobra. A salt-grain-sized amount of its venom can kill a human.
Death Cap Mushroom
One of the most toxic fungi, 30g is enough to kill a human. Symptoms include jaundice, lethargy, sweats and dizziness, Usually the only treatment is a liver transplant.
Deathstalker Scorpion
Found in the hot climates of North Africa and the Middle East, the Deathstalker can kill a human with a single stab of its barbed tail.
Dioxin
Reputed to be the most dangerous man-made poison, it is 60,000 times more toxic than cyanide. A dose of only 50 micrograms is lethal for a human - that's a 1,000th of a small pill.
Death Lily
Leaves can be confused with wild onions. Found in America and Siberia. It's fatal to humans and animals. Symptoms start with burning lips and grow to slow heart beat, low temperature, coma and finally death.
Golden Poison Frog
Found in Colombia, this tiny 1.5ins frog is the world's most poisonous creature. The lethal venom is on its skin and it kills anything that eats it. An average frog carries about one milligram of poison, which is enough to kill 10,000 mice or 10 to 20 humans.
Anthrax
Contamination often comes from exposure to infected animals. Symptoms include vomiting blood and respiratory collapse. It killed five people in the US in 2001 who were received it in the post.
Stonefish
Found on the sea bed off Australia, the stonefish's sharp dorsal spines contain enough poison to kill a human if trodden on. Death can occur within hours of being stung.
The Black Widow is easily identifiable by the distinctive red markings on its stomach. It is a large widow spider found throughout the world and commonly associated with urban habitats or agricultural areas. The Black Widow's venom is 15 times more potent than a rattlesnakes.
Brazilian Wandering Spider
This spider kills around five people a year. Symptoms include immediate pain, heavy perspiration and drooling. Often hides in bunches of bananas.
Arsenic
Anyone swallowing large amounts of arsenic will usually die within a few hours following seizures and shock. If death does not occur at this earlier stage your kidneys will pack in and you will be dead within days.
Capsaicin
This is the chemical that makes chillis hot, but in its purest form it is strong enough to kill you if you eat it. Will cause burns and blistering in contact with human skin.
Inland Taipan Snake
This lethal Aussie crawler is 50 times more deadly than the Indian cobra. A salt-grain-sized amount of its venom can kill a human.
Death Cap Mushroom
One of the most toxic fungi, 30g is enough to kill a human. Symptoms include jaundice, lethargy, sweats and dizziness, Usually the only treatment is a liver transplant.
Deathstalker Scorpion
Found in the hot climates of North Africa and the Middle East, the Deathstalker can kill a human with a single stab of its barbed tail.
Dioxin
Reputed to be the most dangerous man-made poison, it is 60,000 times more toxic than cyanide. A dose of only 50 micrograms is lethal for a human - that's a 1,000th of a small pill.
Death Lily
Leaves can be confused with wild onions. Found in America and Siberia. It's fatal to humans and animals. Symptoms start with burning lips and grow to slow heart beat, low temperature, coma and finally death.
Golden Poison Frog
Found in Colombia, this tiny 1.5ins frog is the world's most poisonous creature. The lethal venom is on its skin and it kills anything that eats it. An average frog carries about one milligram of poison, which is enough to kill 10,000 mice or 10 to 20 humans.
Anthrax
Contamination often comes from exposure to infected animals. Symptoms include vomiting blood and respiratory collapse. It killed five people in the US in 2001 who were received it in the post.
Stonefish
Found on the sea bed off Australia, the stonefish's sharp dorsal spines contain enough poison to kill a human if trodden on. Death can occur within hours of being stung.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
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