Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’
After thinking that she has a chance earning $800 within a minute, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, aftera few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel andgoes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies.
‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’
Moral of the story:
Do not share any critical information unless you understand the need of opposite person. It may or may not help him but surely won’t help you.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, ‘Father, rememberPsalm 129?’
The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak.’
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I wantto be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’
Puff! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager smiles and say, ‘I want those two back in the office after the lunch-time.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A Turkey was chatting with a Bull.
‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the Turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the Bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’
The Turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave her enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, she reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the Turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree..
She was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot her out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t help you stay there for long.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and she fell to the ground into a large field.
While she was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on her.
As the frozen bird laid there in the pile of cow dung, she began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing her out!
She lays there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat hears the bird singing and comes to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug her out and ate her.
Morals of the story:
[1] Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
[2] Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
[3] And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Numerology
IF you were born on the :
1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month you are number 1.
2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then you are number 2.
3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then you are number 3.
4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then you are Number 4.
5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then you are number 5.
6th, 15th, 24th of any month then you are number 6.
7th, 16th, 25th of any month then you are number 7.
8th, 17th, 26th of any month then you are number 8.
9th, 18th, 27th of any month then you are number 9.
Number 1
You are smart, a straight talker, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest, jealous on a competitive basis, kind hearted, temperamental, friendly, and popular. You always want to be on the top and most likely to be independent. You are most likely to fall in love at a young age, but will marry once you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite views and you are most likely to take revenge over your enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future. If you are guy you will be very popular. You can go anywhere from the local shop to the heart of the parliament because you are positive and talented in numerous areas. But in your life you will always have some people who will work hard to bring you & your name down. Because of your intelligence, some might hate you. You are a pioneer, independent & original your best match is 4,6,8 while a good match would be with 3,5,7
Number 2
No matter what, every one will love you because you are ruled by the Moon. You day dream a lot, you have a very low-self esteem, you need to have a back up for every move in your life, you are very unpredictable. You tend to change according to time and circumstances, selfish, have a very strong sense of musical and artistic talent and powerful verbal communication. You can be sweet as an angel and can be ruthless when double-crossed. Some might say you have a sixth sense. You will become a poet, writer, an artist or a businessperson. You are not strong in love, so your relationship will be in disarray until you settle down. If you are a girl, you will be responsible for your family. If you are a man, you tend to get involve in fights & arguments in the family. You will sacrifice your life for your family. You are gentle, intuitive with a broad vision. You make a well-balanced person. Your best match is 2, 7,5, and 9 no other people can put up with you!!!
Number 3
You are hardhearted and selfish most of the time. You always tend to have lots of problems within your family in the early stages but you will be able to cope with everything. You seem to have your way in everything. And from birth you would always have to work hard to achieve anything you want. You always make a point to set examples on others, especially the younger ones. Generally you are not a cool person. It's not easy dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you are comfortable with someone, it will be a lasting friendship. You always earn respect from others. Your Ilk seems to have lots of worries and problems but they won't be for long. You will have brilliant kids! You love money a bit too much so temptation will push you to try endlessly. You will look after your family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except for men born on the 21st). You love your freedom, creative and ambitious, a person who brings beauty, hope & joy to this world!!! Your best match 6 and 9. Good match 1, 3, and 5
Number 4
You are very stubborn, very hard working but unlucky in important matters in life, very cool and helpful. You might repel people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you area man, as you gifted are with understanding other people's problems. If you are a girl, you excel in your studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of your time with girl friends and you tend to have too much fun with your mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and get on with their life and you will be left empty handed. So be careful! You love to spend. Your positive side is that you are always around to help family and friends. You always fall in love with those younger than you. You often live with disappointments but you will take good care of your family. You need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your relationships too. You are radical, patient, persistent, and a hit old-fashioned; you live with foundation & order. Your best match 1, 8. Good match 5, 6, and 7
Number 5
You are very popular and you can get things done only by talking. Even to your enemies! You are business-minded and like to do things spontaneously. You will be famous if you get involved in any business. Your friends and families will always ask for your help, and you are the one actually with the money to help your friends. You will have more than one relationship, but when you settle down you tend to be selfish. You tend to go for other relationships - even if you are married at times because of your popularity. You tend to get along easily with anyone because the numbers is a middle number. You love freedom and changes. You learn your life through your personal experiences. Your best match 1, 2, Good match 6, 8.
Number 6
Ooopppss.. you were born to enjoy! You don't care about others. I mean you always wanted to have a lifetime of enjoyment. You will excel in either education or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), and popular. All good things come easily to you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for love. You are loveable by any number. But if you are a number 6 men, you will be involved in more than a few relationships until you get married. If you are a girl, most of you will get married/engaged early. You are a caring person towards your family and friends. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgment, and after all you can heal this world's wounds to make peace for everyone because you have the great power and caring talent to take the world of love one step further.. Your best match 7, 6, and 9. Good match 4, 5
Number 7
You are realistic, confident, happy, and talented in education, music, art, singing, and most importantly in acting. You also have a bad temper! You value your family status a lot; you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls. Most of the number 7s face lots of problems with their married life. Only a few are happy. You have everything in your life but with worries throughout your lifetime. You need to get ready looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don't, then you might end-up being single. You are born to contribute to everyone's joy. Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1,4
Number 8
You have a very strong personality and people will find it hard to understand you. You are more likely to suffer in your younger years. You might be also the one responsible to look out for your family. You often suffer all the way through life. You will learn life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight for justice and may even die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with a handful of friends and most of the time, live life alone and always prepared to help others. However, once you settle down, (which is often late), then your had lucks will disappear. You will face unexpected problems such as encountering poisonous animals, and accidents. You are highly- disciplined, persistence, and courageous, and it is your strength that will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a fighter! Your Best match 1. 4, and 8. Good match 5
Number 9
You guys are the most incompatible people in the world. You are so strong, physically and mentally. You often have big-aims. You will work hard and will think it's still hard to get there, even if you already have gotten there! Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have to fight in life. You are respected by others. You were however very naughty in your childhood, and often got beaten up by your parents and had been involved in fights and you seemed to have suffered lots of injuries. But when you grow older you become calm and will fall into the quiet and dignified macho type. Love is not an easy matter for you. You are however good in engineering or banking jobs because people always trust you. Your family life is very good, but you will always worry over your children. Your finer qualities are that you are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate. You are born to achieve targets and serve every one equally without any prejudice. You are a role model for everyone. Your best match 3, 5,6, and 9. Good match 2
1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month you are number 1.
2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then you are number 2.
3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then you are number 3.
4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then you are Number 4.
5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then you are number 5.
6th, 15th, 24th of any month then you are number 6.
7th, 16th, 25th of any month then you are number 7.
8th, 17th, 26th of any month then you are number 8.
9th, 18th, 27th of any month then you are number 9.
Number 1
You are smart, a straight talker, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest, jealous on a competitive basis, kind hearted, temperamental, friendly, and popular. You always want to be on the top and most likely to be independent. You are most likely to fall in love at a young age, but will marry once you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite views and you are most likely to take revenge over your enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future. If you are guy you will be very popular. You can go anywhere from the local shop to the heart of the parliament because you are positive and talented in numerous areas. But in your life you will always have some people who will work hard to bring you & your name down. Because of your intelligence, some might hate you. You are a pioneer, independent & original your best match is 4,6,8 while a good match would be with 3,5,7
Number 2
No matter what, every one will love you because you are ruled by the Moon. You day dream a lot, you have a very low-self esteem, you need to have a back up for every move in your life, you are very unpredictable. You tend to change according to time and circumstances, selfish, have a very strong sense of musical and artistic talent and powerful verbal communication. You can be sweet as an angel and can be ruthless when double-crossed. Some might say you have a sixth sense. You will become a poet, writer, an artist or a businessperson. You are not strong in love, so your relationship will be in disarray until you settle down. If you are a girl, you will be responsible for your family. If you are a man, you tend to get involve in fights & arguments in the family. You will sacrifice your life for your family. You are gentle, intuitive with a broad vision. You make a well-balanced person. Your best match is 2, 7,5, and 9 no other people can put up with you!!!
Number 3
You are hardhearted and selfish most of the time. You always tend to have lots of problems within your family in the early stages but you will be able to cope with everything. You seem to have your way in everything. And from birth you would always have to work hard to achieve anything you want. You always make a point to set examples on others, especially the younger ones. Generally you are not a cool person. It's not easy dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you are comfortable with someone, it will be a lasting friendship. You always earn respect from others. Your Ilk seems to have lots of worries and problems but they won't be for long. You will have brilliant kids! You love money a bit too much so temptation will push you to try endlessly. You will look after your family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except for men born on the 21st). You love your freedom, creative and ambitious, a person who brings beauty, hope & joy to this world!!! Your best match 6 and 9. Good match 1, 3, and 5
Number 4
You are very stubborn, very hard working but unlucky in important matters in life, very cool and helpful. You might repel people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you area man, as you gifted are with understanding other people's problems. If you are a girl, you excel in your studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of your time with girl friends and you tend to have too much fun with your mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and get on with their life and you will be left empty handed. So be careful! You love to spend. Your positive side is that you are always around to help family and friends. You always fall in love with those younger than you. You often live with disappointments but you will take good care of your family. You need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your relationships too. You are radical, patient, persistent, and a hit old-fashioned; you live with foundation & order. Your best match 1, 8. Good match 5, 6, and 7
Number 5
You are very popular and you can get things done only by talking. Even to your enemies! You are business-minded and like to do things spontaneously. You will be famous if you get involved in any business. Your friends and families will always ask for your help, and you are the one actually with the money to help your friends. You will have more than one relationship, but when you settle down you tend to be selfish. You tend to go for other relationships - even if you are married at times because of your popularity. You tend to get along easily with anyone because the numbers is a middle number. You love freedom and changes. You learn your life through your personal experiences. Your best match 1, 2, Good match 6, 8.
Number 6
Ooopppss.. you were born to enjoy! You don't care about others. I mean you always wanted to have a lifetime of enjoyment. You will excel in either education or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), and popular. All good things come easily to you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for love. You are loveable by any number. But if you are a number 6 men, you will be involved in more than a few relationships until you get married. If you are a girl, most of you will get married/engaged early. You are a caring person towards your family and friends. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgment, and after all you can heal this world's wounds to make peace for everyone because you have the great power and caring talent to take the world of love one step further.. Your best match 7, 6, and 9. Good match 4, 5
Number 7
You are realistic, confident, happy, and talented in education, music, art, singing, and most importantly in acting. You also have a bad temper! You value your family status a lot; you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls. Most of the number 7s face lots of problems with their married life. Only a few are happy. You have everything in your life but with worries throughout your lifetime. You need to get ready looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don't, then you might end-up being single. You are born to contribute to everyone's joy. Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1,4
Number 8
You have a very strong personality and people will find it hard to understand you. You are more likely to suffer in your younger years. You might be also the one responsible to look out for your family. You often suffer all the way through life. You will learn life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight for justice and may even die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with a handful of friends and most of the time, live life alone and always prepared to help others. However, once you settle down, (which is often late), then your had lucks will disappear. You will face unexpected problems such as encountering poisonous animals, and accidents. You are highly- disciplined, persistence, and courageous, and it is your strength that will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a fighter! Your Best match 1. 4, and 8. Good match 5
Number 9
You guys are the most incompatible people in the world. You are so strong, physically and mentally. You often have big-aims. You will work hard and will think it's still hard to get there, even if you already have gotten there! Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have to fight in life. You are respected by others. You were however very naughty in your childhood, and often got beaten up by your parents and had been involved in fights and you seemed to have suffered lots of injuries. But when you grow older you become calm and will fall into the quiet and dignified macho type. Love is not an easy matter for you. You are however good in engineering or banking jobs because people always trust you. Your family life is very good, but you will always worry over your children. Your finer qualities are that you are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate. You are born to achieve targets and serve every one equally without any prejudice. You are a role model for everyone. Your best match 3, 5,6, and 9. Good match 2
Thursday, August 5, 2010
INDIA TV @ their best !!
India TV funny headlines
*Lalu ne saand kharida, Angrezi samajne waala ghoda becha
*Himesh par aliens ki nazar, kyon lejane waale hain aliens?
*
*kya bharat ki gayen bhi nishane par hain, yeh aapki bhi ho sakti hai
*Kya aliens gayen ka doodh peete hain?
* Laal rang se unka chehra pila pad jata hai..
*Pahle unhe saaya dikha toh di murgi ki bali
*Aasman mein ulta chand
*Ishant ki maa ne aarti utari
*Baaghon ki prem kahani, phir bhi baagh bola -"I Love You"
*Jungle mein triangle, Baagh aur baaghin ke beech aa gaya koi aur
* Rajesh ne raat ko ramayan padhi
*Dharti ke bus 4 saal
* Khali ne kaha -"I love you"
* Kamishnar ka kutta, lapata
*Rahul ne daal-pudi aur sabzi khai
*Amitabh bachan ko thand lagi
*Chajje par billo rani
And here comes the last but not the least one......
*Lalu ne saand kharida, Angrezi samajne waala ghoda becha
*Himesh par aliens ki nazar, kyon lejane waale hain aliens?
*
*kya bharat ki gayen bhi nishane par hain, yeh aapki bhi ho sakti hai
*Kya aliens gayen ka doodh peete hain?
* Laal rang se unka chehra pila pad jata hai..
*Pahle unhe saaya dikha toh di murgi ki bali
*Aasman mein ulta chand
*Ishant ki maa ne aarti utari
*Baaghon ki prem kahani, phir bhi baagh bola -"I Love You"
*Jungle mein triangle, Baagh aur baaghin ke beech aa gaya koi aur
* Rajesh ne raat ko ramayan padhi
*Dharti ke bus 4 saal
* Khali ne kaha -"I love you"
* Kamishnar ka kutta, lapata
*Rahul ne daal-pudi aur sabzi khai
*Amitabh bachan ko thand lagi
*Chajje par billo rani
And here comes the last but not the least one......
Monday, August 2, 2010
10 Best Intelligence Agencies in the world.....(must see)....!!!!
Intelligence Agency is an effective instrument of a national power. Aggressive intelligence is its primary weapon to destabilize the target. Indeed, no one knows what the intelligence agencies actually do so figuring out who the best intelligence service is can be difficult. The very nature of intelligence often means that the successes will not be public knowledge for years, whereas failures or controversial operations will be taken to the press. It’s a thankless situation. Still, from what little has emerged, one can have an idea of some of the better intelligence services out there, with the understanding that this is based on incomplete data.
10. ASIS – Australia
Formed
13 May 1952
Headquarters
Canberra, Australian Capital Territory, Australia
Annual budget
$162.5m AUD (2007)
Minister responsible
The Hon. Stephen Smith MP, Minister for Foreign Affairs
Agency executive
Nick Warner, Director-General
Australian Secret Intelligence Service is the Australian government intelligence agency responsible for collecting foreign intelligence, undertaking counter-intelligence activities and cooperation with other intelligence agencies overseas. For more than twenty years, the existenceof the agency was a secret even from its own government. Its primary responsibility is gathering intelligence from mainly Asian and Pacific interests using agents stationed in a wide variety of areas. Its main purpose, as with most agencies, is to protect the country’s political and economic interests while ensuring safety for the people of Australia against national threats.
9. RAW – India
Formed
21 September 1968
Headquarters
New Delhi, India
Agency executive
K. C. Verma, Secretary (R)
Parent agency
Prime Minister's Office, GoI
Research and Analysis Wing is India’s external intelligence agency. It was formed in September 1968, after the newly independent Republic of India was faced with 2 consecutive wars, the Sino-Indian war of 1962 and the India-Pakistani war of 1965, as it was evident that a credible intelligence gathering setup was lacking. Its primary function is collection of external intelligence, counter-terrorism and covert operations. In addition, it is responsible for obtaining and analyzing information about foreign governments, corporations, and persons, in order to advise Indian foreign policymakers. Until the creation of R&AW, the Intelligence Bureau handled both internal and external intelligence.
8. DGSE – France
Formed
April 2, 1982
Preceding agency
External Documentation and Counter-Espionage Service
Minister responsible
Hervé Morin, Minister of Defence
Agency executive
Erard Corbin de Mangoux, Director
Directorate General for External Security is France’s external intelligence agency. Operating under the direction of the French ministry of defence, the agency works alongside the DCRI (the Central Directorate of Interior Intelligence) in providing intelligence and national security, notably by performing paramilitary and counterintelligence operations abroad. The General Directorate for External Security (DGSE) of France has a rather short history compared to other intelligence agencies in the region. It was officially founded in 1982 from a multitude of prior intelligence agencies in the country. Its primary focus is to gather intelligence from foreign sources to assist in military and strategic decisions for the country. The agency employs more than five thousand people.
7. FSB – Russia
Formed
3 April, 1995
Employees
350,000
Headquarters
Lubyanka Square
Preceding agency
KGB
The Federal Security Service of Russian Federation (FSD) is the main domestic security agency of the Russian Federation and the main successor agency of the Soviet-era Cheka, NKVD and KGB. The FSB is involved in counter-intelligence, internal and border security, counter-terrorism, and surveillance. Its headquarters are on Lubyanka Square, downtown Moscow, the same location as the former headquartersof the KGB. All law enforcement and intelligence agencies in Russia work under the guidance of FSB, if needed. For example, the GRU, spetsnaz and Internal Troops detachments of Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs work together with the FSB in Chechnya. The FSB is responsible for internal securityof the Russian state, counterespionage, and the fight against organized crime, terrorism, and drug smuggling. The number of FSB personnel and its budget remain state secrets, although the budget was reported to jump nearly 40% in 2006.
6. BND – Germany
Formed
1 April 1956
Employees
6,050
Agency executive
Gehlen Organization
Parent agency
Central Intelligence Group
The Bundesnachrichtendienst is the foreign intelligence agency of the German government, under the control of the Chancellor’s Office. The BND acts as an early warning system to alert the German government to threats to German interests from abroad. It depends heavily on wiretapping and electronic surveillance of international communications. It collects and evaluates information on a variety of areas such as international terrorism, WMD proliferation and illegal transfer of technology, organized crime, weapons and drug trafficking, money laundering, illegal migration and information warfare. As Germany’s only overseas intelligence service, the BND gathers both military and civil intelligence.
5. MSS – China
Jurisdiction
People's Republic of China
Headquarters
Beijing
Agency executive
Geng Huichang, Minister of State Security
Parent agency
State Council
Ministry of State Security is the security agency of the People’s Republic of China. It is also probably the Chinese government’s largest and most active foreign intelligence agency, though it is also involved in domestic security matters. Article 4 of the Criminal Procedure Law gives the MSS the same authority to arrest or detain people as regular police for crimes involving state security with identical supervision by the procuratorates and the courts. It is headquartered near the Ministry of Public Securityof the People’s Republic of China in Beijing. According to Liu Fuzhi, Secretary-General of the Commission for Politics and Law under the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China and Minister of Public Security, the mission of the MSS is to ensure “the security of the state through effective measures against enemy agents, spies, and counter-revolutionary activities designed to sabotage or overthrow China’s socialist system.” Oneof the primary missions of the MSS is undoubtedly to gather foreign intelligence from targets in various countries overseas. Many MSS agents are said to have operated in the Greater China region (Hong Kong, Macau, and Taiwan) and to have integrated themselves into the world’s numerous overseas Chinese communities. At one point, nearly 120 agents who had been operating under non-official cover in the U.S., Canada, Western and Northern Europe, and Japan as businessmen, bankers, scholars, and journalists were recalled to China, a fact that demonstrates the broad geographical scope of MSS agent coverage.
4. CIA – America
Formed
September 18, 1947
Employees
20,000
Agency executive
Leon Panetta, Director
Parent agency
Central Intelligence Group
CIA is the largest of the intelligence agencies and is responsible for gathering data from other countries that could impact U.S. policy. It is a civilianintelligence agency of the United States government responsible for providing national security intelligence to senior United States policymakers. The CIA also engages in covert activities at the requestof the President of the United States of America. The CIA’s primary function is to collect information about foreign governments, corporations, and individuals, and to advise public policymakers. The agency conducts covert operations and paramilitary actions, and exerts foreign political influence through its Special Activities Division. It has failed to control terrorism activities including 9/11, Not even a single top level Al-Queda leader captured own its own in the past 9 years – ‘they missed 1 Million’ Soviet troops marching into Afghanistan’. Iraq’s Weapons of Mass Destruction, Have the found them yet? -Number of defectors/ double agents numbers close to a thousand. On 50th anniversary of CIA, President Clinton said ”By necessity, the American people will never know the full story of your courage. Indeed, no one knows that what CIA really does”. Highly funded and technologically most advanced Intelligence set-up in the world.
3. M1-6 – United Kingdom
Formed
1909 as the Secret Service Bureau
Jurisdiction
Government of the United Kingdom
Headquarters
Vauxhall Cross, London
Minister responsible
The Rt Hon. William Hague MP, Foreign Secretary
Agency executive
Sir John Sawers KCMG, Director General
Parent agency
Foreign and Commonwealth Office
The British have had a long public perception of an effective intelligence agency (due to the success of the unrealistic, yet entertaining, James Bond movies). This perception matches reality. MI6, the British equivalent to the CIA, has had two big advantages in staying effective: The British Official Secrets Act and D notices can often prevent leaks (which have been the bane of the CIA’s existence). Some stories have emerged. In the Cold War, MI6 recruited Oleg Penkovsky, who played a key part in the favorable resolution of the Cuban Missile Crisis, and Oleg Gordievski, who operated for a decade before MI6 extracted him via Finland. The British were even aware of Norwood’s activities, but made the decision not to tip their hand. MI6 also is rumored to have sabotaged the Tu-144 supersonic airliner program by altering documents and making sure they fell into the hands of the KGB.
2. Mossad – Israel
Formed
December 13, 1949 as the Central Institute for Coordination
Employees
1,200 (est)
Agency executive
Meir Dagan, Director
Parent agency
Office of the Prime Minister
The Mossad is responsible for intelligence collection and covert operations including paramilitary activities. It is one of the main entities in the Israeli Intelligence Community, along with Aman (military intelligence) and Shin Bet (internal security), but its director reports directly to the Prime Minister. The list of its successes is long. Israel’s intelligence agency is most famous for having taken out a number of PLO operatives in retaliation for the attack that killed eleven Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympic games in Munich. However, this agency has other success to its name, including the acquisition of a MiG-21 prior to the Six-Day war of 1967 and the theft of the plans for the Mirage 5 after the deal with France went sour. Mossad also assisted the United States in supporting Solidarity in Poland during the 1980s.
1. ISI – Pakistan
Formed
1948
Jurisdiction
Government of Pakistan
Headquarters
Islamabad, Pakistan
Agency executive
Lieutenant General Ahmad Shuja Pasha, PA Director General
With the lengthiest track record of success, the best know Intelligence so far on the scale of records is ISI. The Inter-Services Intelligence was created as an independent unit in 1948 in order to strengthen the performance of Pakistan’s Military Intelligence during the Indo-Pakistani War of 1947. Its success in achieving its goal without leading to a full scale invasion of Pakistan by the Soviets is a feat unmatched by any other through out the intelligence world. KGB, The best of its time, failed to counter ISI and protect Soviet interests in Central Asia. This GOLD MEDAL makes it rank higher than Mossad. It has had 0 double agents or Defectors through out its history, considering that in light of the whole war campaign it carried out from money earned by selling drugs bought from the very people it was bleeding, The Soviets. It has protected its Nuclear Weapons since formed and it has foiled Indian attempts to attain ultimate supremacy in the South-Asian theatres through internal destabilization of India. It is above All laws in its host country Pakistan ‘A State, with in a State’. Its policies are made ‘outside’ of all other institutions with the exception of The Army. Its personnel have never been caught on camera. Its is believed to have the highest number of agents worldwide, close to 10,000. The most striking thing is that its one of the least funded Intelligence agency out of the top 10 and still the strongest.
10. ASIS – Australia
Formed
13 May 1952
Headquarters
Canberra, Australian Capital Territory, Australia
Annual budget
$162.5m AUD (2007)
Minister responsible
The Hon. Stephen Smith MP, Minister for Foreign Affairs
Agency executive
Nick Warner, Director-General
Australian Secret Intelligence Service is the Australian government intelligence agency responsible for collecting foreign intelligence, undertaking counter-intelligence activities and cooperation with other intelligence agencies overseas. For more than twenty years, the existenceof the agency was a secret even from its own government. Its primary responsibility is gathering intelligence from mainly Asian and Pacific interests using agents stationed in a wide variety of areas. Its main purpose, as with most agencies, is to protect the country’s political and economic interests while ensuring safety for the people of Australia against national threats.
9. RAW – India
Formed
21 September 1968
Headquarters
New Delhi, India
Agency executive
K. C. Verma, Secretary (R)
Parent agency
Prime Minister's Office, GoI
Research and Analysis Wing is India’s external intelligence agency. It was formed in September 1968, after the newly independent Republic of India was faced with 2 consecutive wars, the Sino-Indian war of 1962 and the India-Pakistani war of 1965, as it was evident that a credible intelligence gathering setup was lacking. Its primary function is collection of external intelligence, counter-terrorism and covert operations. In addition, it is responsible for obtaining and analyzing information about foreign governments, corporations, and persons, in order to advise Indian foreign policymakers. Until the creation of R&AW, the Intelligence Bureau handled both internal and external intelligence.
8. DGSE – France
Formed
April 2, 1982
Preceding agency
External Documentation and Counter-Espionage Service
Minister responsible
Hervé Morin, Minister of Defence
Agency executive
Erard Corbin de Mangoux, Director
Directorate General for External Security is France’s external intelligence agency. Operating under the direction of the French ministry of defence, the agency works alongside the DCRI (the Central Directorate of Interior Intelligence) in providing intelligence and national security, notably by performing paramilitary and counterintelligence operations abroad. The General Directorate for External Security (DGSE) of France has a rather short history compared to other intelligence agencies in the region. It was officially founded in 1982 from a multitude of prior intelligence agencies in the country. Its primary focus is to gather intelligence from foreign sources to assist in military and strategic decisions for the country. The agency employs more than five thousand people.
7. FSB – Russia
Formed
3 April, 1995
Employees
350,000
Headquarters
Lubyanka Square
Preceding agency
KGB
The Federal Security Service of Russian Federation (FSD) is the main domestic security agency of the Russian Federation and the main successor agency of the Soviet-era Cheka, NKVD and KGB. The FSB is involved in counter-intelligence, internal and border security, counter-terrorism, and surveillance. Its headquarters are on Lubyanka Square, downtown Moscow, the same location as the former headquartersof the KGB. All law enforcement and intelligence agencies in Russia work under the guidance of FSB, if needed. For example, the GRU, spetsnaz and Internal Troops detachments of Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs work together with the FSB in Chechnya. The FSB is responsible for internal securityof the Russian state, counterespionage, and the fight against organized crime, terrorism, and drug smuggling. The number of FSB personnel and its budget remain state secrets, although the budget was reported to jump nearly 40% in 2006.
6. BND – Germany
Formed
1 April 1956
Employees
6,050
Agency executive
Gehlen Organization
Parent agency
Central Intelligence Group
The Bundesnachrichtendienst is the foreign intelligence agency of the German government, under the control of the Chancellor’s Office. The BND acts as an early warning system to alert the German government to threats to German interests from abroad. It depends heavily on wiretapping and electronic surveillance of international communications. It collects and evaluates information on a variety of areas such as international terrorism, WMD proliferation and illegal transfer of technology, organized crime, weapons and drug trafficking, money laundering, illegal migration and information warfare. As Germany’s only overseas intelligence service, the BND gathers both military and civil intelligence.
5. MSS – China
Jurisdiction
People's Republic of China
Headquarters
Beijing
Agency executive
Geng Huichang, Minister of State Security
Parent agency
State Council
Ministry of State Security is the security agency of the People’s Republic of China. It is also probably the Chinese government’s largest and most active foreign intelligence agency, though it is also involved in domestic security matters. Article 4 of the Criminal Procedure Law gives the MSS the same authority to arrest or detain people as regular police for crimes involving state security with identical supervision by the procuratorates and the courts. It is headquartered near the Ministry of Public Securityof the People’s Republic of China in Beijing. According to Liu Fuzhi, Secretary-General of the Commission for Politics and Law under the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China and Minister of Public Security, the mission of the MSS is to ensure “the security of the state through effective measures against enemy agents, spies, and counter-revolutionary activities designed to sabotage or overthrow China’s socialist system.” Oneof the primary missions of the MSS is undoubtedly to gather foreign intelligence from targets in various countries overseas. Many MSS agents are said to have operated in the Greater China region (Hong Kong, Macau, and Taiwan) and to have integrated themselves into the world’s numerous overseas Chinese communities. At one point, nearly 120 agents who had been operating under non-official cover in the U.S., Canada, Western and Northern Europe, and Japan as businessmen, bankers, scholars, and journalists were recalled to China, a fact that demonstrates the broad geographical scope of MSS agent coverage.
4. CIA – America
Formed
September 18, 1947
Employees
20,000
Agency executive
Leon Panetta, Director
Parent agency
Central Intelligence Group
CIA is the largest of the intelligence agencies and is responsible for gathering data from other countries that could impact U.S. policy. It is a civilianintelligence agency of the United States government responsible for providing national security intelligence to senior United States policymakers. The CIA also engages in covert activities at the requestof the President of the United States of America. The CIA’s primary function is to collect information about foreign governments, corporations, and individuals, and to advise public policymakers. The agency conducts covert operations and paramilitary actions, and exerts foreign political influence through its Special Activities Division. It has failed to control terrorism activities including 9/11, Not even a single top level Al-Queda leader captured own its own in the past 9 years – ‘they missed 1 Million’ Soviet troops marching into Afghanistan’. Iraq’s Weapons of Mass Destruction, Have the found them yet? -Number of defectors/ double agents numbers close to a thousand. On 50th anniversary of CIA, President Clinton said ”By necessity, the American people will never know the full story of your courage. Indeed, no one knows that what CIA really does”. Highly funded and technologically most advanced Intelligence set-up in the world.
3. M1-6 – United Kingdom
Formed
1909 as the Secret Service Bureau
Jurisdiction
Government of the United Kingdom
Headquarters
Vauxhall Cross, London
Minister responsible
The Rt Hon. William Hague MP, Foreign Secretary
Agency executive
Sir John Sawers KCMG, Director General
Parent agency
Foreign and Commonwealth Office
The British have had a long public perception of an effective intelligence agency (due to the success of the unrealistic, yet entertaining, James Bond movies). This perception matches reality. MI6, the British equivalent to the CIA, has had two big advantages in staying effective: The British Official Secrets Act and D notices can often prevent leaks (which have been the bane of the CIA’s existence). Some stories have emerged. In the Cold War, MI6 recruited Oleg Penkovsky, who played a key part in the favorable resolution of the Cuban Missile Crisis, and Oleg Gordievski, who operated for a decade before MI6 extracted him via Finland. The British were even aware of Norwood’s activities, but made the decision not to tip their hand. MI6 also is rumored to have sabotaged the Tu-144 supersonic airliner program by altering documents and making sure they fell into the hands of the KGB.
2. Mossad – Israel
Formed
December 13, 1949 as the Central Institute for Coordination
Employees
1,200 (est)
Agency executive
Meir Dagan, Director
Parent agency
Office of the Prime Minister
The Mossad is responsible for intelligence collection and covert operations including paramilitary activities. It is one of the main entities in the Israeli Intelligence Community, along with Aman (military intelligence) and Shin Bet (internal security), but its director reports directly to the Prime Minister. The list of its successes is long. Israel’s intelligence agency is most famous for having taken out a number of PLO operatives in retaliation for the attack that killed eleven Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympic games in Munich. However, this agency has other success to its name, including the acquisition of a MiG-21 prior to the Six-Day war of 1967 and the theft of the plans for the Mirage 5 after the deal with France went sour. Mossad also assisted the United States in supporting Solidarity in Poland during the 1980s.
1. ISI – Pakistan
Formed
1948
Jurisdiction
Government of Pakistan
Headquarters
Islamabad, Pakistan
Agency executive
Lieutenant General Ahmad Shuja Pasha, PA Director General
With the lengthiest track record of success, the best know Intelligence so far on the scale of records is ISI. The Inter-Services Intelligence was created as an independent unit in 1948 in order to strengthen the performance of Pakistan’s Military Intelligence during the Indo-Pakistani War of 1947. Its success in achieving its goal without leading to a full scale invasion of Pakistan by the Soviets is a feat unmatched by any other through out the intelligence world. KGB, The best of its time, failed to counter ISI and protect Soviet interests in Central Asia. This GOLD MEDAL makes it rank higher than Mossad. It has had 0 double agents or Defectors through out its history, considering that in light of the whole war campaign it carried out from money earned by selling drugs bought from the very people it was bleeding, The Soviets. It has protected its Nuclear Weapons since formed and it has foiled Indian attempts to attain ultimate supremacy in the South-Asian theatres through internal destabilization of India. It is above All laws in its host country Pakistan ‘A State, with in a State’. Its policies are made ‘outside’ of all other institutions with the exception of The Army. Its personnel have never been caught on camera. Its is believed to have the highest number of agents worldwide, close to 10,000. The most striking thing is that its one of the least funded Intelligence agency out of the top 10 and still the strongest.
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